Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Not so Jolly Rancher

Candy Criminals 
(by R.P.Edwards)

Want a condom?
Here you go
Abortion field trip?
“they’ll never know”
But eating candy?!
Now that’s a crime.
Yes, you’re a villain!
And you’ll do…time

“Have you got it?” Ten year old, Daniel Thorton, paused at the whisper that was so well aimed (like a gnat in the ear) that only he could hear it.  He stopped (as if pausing to adjust his cumbersome, crimson back-pack) and listened for an addendum.  “Meet me in the boys room, second floor, stall three, five minutes.”  
At the appointed time and place--minus the backpack--the class “brain” adjusted his horn-rimmed glasses and slowly walked to the potty portal, number three of five.  He paused at the crack and, making eye contact, an arm thrust quickly out and, in a moment, two fourth graders stood toe to toe; one with a hand out, open; the other, hand over, and clenched.  “I got what you wanted, Butch,” said DD (Dan the Dealer), “but it’ll cost you.  The screws are tightening security like you wouldn’t believe.”  A second later, “it” was released and, for a full half minute both looked with awe and admiration at the ruby red cellophaned treasure that glistened in the sterile fluorescent light which gushed from the overhead tubes.  “I didn’t tell you what flavor,” said the slightly larger and obviously in need of a “fix” customer as he hurriedly shucked the cubish confection and held it for a moment, mere millimeters from his open mouth.  “You told me ‘red,’” said Daniel, slowly counting the ten acquired ‘clams’ which were then folded quickly and placed into his bulging pocket protector.  “But, from our past association, I thought you’d appreciate…” At this, as the candy alighted on the tongue, both uttered the word (one with ecstatic exuberance), “Cinnamon!”

Leighann, a ten-year-old lass in a Texas elementary school received a 23 calorie treat from her friend and, along with it, detention.  It seems the state frowns upon such excess and, apparently this particular school knows how to set an example.  The troublemakers were kept from lunch and recess and ordered to write an ‘essay’ explaining why their ‘act’ was a rule-breaker.  Her parents were not amused.

(Sigh) Are you as weary as I at the twisted mores and meddlings thrust upon our children in, what used to be, the carefree classroom?  Candy is bad.  Abortion is good (heck, we’ll help you get one!), and condoms?  Come and get ‘em!  Gone are the days of the Ten Commandments on the wall, a simple prayer, an uncontroversial pledge, and an honor and respect for founding principles…and founders.  Now, thanks to--you guessed it--the all knowing Supremes (and the impotent doings of our Representatives) our precious children are tethered to the tawdry tenets of the elite: tenets that neither brought us here, or can possibly bring us forward.  And, since no end is in immediate sight, and “our” children are only with us a short time, I think the spoken sentiment of young Leighann’s mother is one we all should consider: “I will put her in a private school if I have to.”

That's what I think. How about you?  Click comments below...and say.

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