Cash for Clunkers?

Cash for Clunkers?
(by R.P.Edwards)

They call you a clunker
A beater
A heap
They wish your demise
O, see a man weep!
For you’re much more than scrap
You’re memories and miles
You’re journeys and jaunts
You’re laughter and smiles
No! You’re not a clunker!
You’re a classic! A jewel!
But…
If I turned down the money
I’d be a…fool

The weary jurist motioned for the two battling barristers to approach the bench. “Listen, gentleman,” he whispered as the three hair styles (perfect, plateau, and pointed) merged above the edge of the lofty desk. “I can’t believe this case has progressed this far.” “Hear, hear!” chimed in the defense until the piercing gaze and pointing gavel of the judge silenced the solicitor. “Your honor,” purred the plaintiffs advocate, “my clients have been grievously wronged. Their friends, their families, their intimate acquaintances…have been egregiously slandered…by no less than the government!” The gavel turned quickly and just as quickly quieted the gush. “Counselor,” resumed the judge (leaning on his left hand while slowly twirling the gavel in his right). “There will be no monetary compensation. Other than that, what will satisfy your clients complaint?” Armed with the question, the attorney turned and, after a brief consultation with the representative from CAF (Cars Are Family) he returned and said, “Simply a name change, your honor, that’s it.” “And what might that be…hmm?” The advocate cleared his throat, adjusted his collar, and said, “Instead of ‘Cash for Clunkers,’ the plaintiffs would like, ’Cash for Classics.’” “Cash for Classics?” repeated the judge with eyebrows slightly raised. “Yes, your honor.” The jurist leaned back, looked up at the portrait of John Jay in the corner and, with a resounding clack of the gavel, nearly shouted, “So ordered!”

Concerning the program that encourages folks to trade in their old heaps for a substantial discount…I’m indifferent, leaning towards OK. I know, some say the loss of parts will hurt those who keep the older vehicles (I believer there will still be plenty of “classics” about). Some say “we” the people are paying for it (Duh, every government dollar comes from the collective “us”). On the other hand it should help the auto industry (that’s good). Which, in turn, should help the Steel business (personal interest). That’s good. And it might even clean the air a bit, and reduce dependence on oil. All good. But I have a suggestion. Instead of me taking my ancient van to the dealership, just give me “half” the discount in cash, and you can have the ol’ girl. She stops spewing, and I’ve got some spendable dough to help the economy. Win…win.