FIXER NOT

 FIXER NOT

(by R.P.Edwards)

J-B Weld and Duct Tape

The fixer for the few

For those devoid of workshops

And the skills to simply "do"...

I laid "old reliable" on the dining room table and assessed "her" condition. Yes, a snow shovel, but one of venerable years and without-thought reliability. But now she had cracks and was on the verge of a terminal fracture.

The setting: a snowstorm of significant measure had dumped 10+ inches of snow (and a smattering of sleet) on our mid-western (more on the southern side of the MW) heads. Mind you, I had been passing by displays of "new" shovels for weeks; ignoring these since I had a ready supply at home. Alas, my "supply" consisted of an "old" disfigured one that had quickly died under the strain and another that was more of a "pusher," not a scooper. So, I sought to resuscitate and revitalize the ancient workhorse using the tools of the somewhat inept.

J-B Weld is a wonderful Epoxy type goop. Two tubes of stuff; one a "hardener" (white) the other the "steel" (black). When mixed together in equal amounts they make a grayish glob that will be a strong bond when applied correctly. You don't have a lot of time so I slathered quickly. A few strips of Duct Tape (I chose white this time) and the repair was done. The old one survived, with many more seasons of "Heave-ho, the snow must go" in her future (I hope).

One might ask, "Why didn't you just buy another?" Well, just as "Bread, milk, and eggs" disappear from the grocery isles at a storm's approach (the French Toast effect), so too, the shovels vanish. 

The Poem continues:

...But we all can't be mechanics

Strong of mind with calloused hide

So it's J-B Weld and Duct Tape

And perhaps Vice-Grips...on the side.

Addendum:  It's been a long time since I added to this "Blog." I was rather excited at its beginning in 2009. I was laid off at the time and I thought its title "The layoff letters," was rather clever. And so I wrote and wrote; of things serious and benign; being sure to include with each a simple poem. And then hibernation set in (perhaps due to such low readership). No matter. I'm glad you're here and there's an enormous archive if you're interested in such things.

         

 

 

The Go-to Guy

 

The Quick Fix
(by R.P.Edwards)

A little tape
A little glue
A little patch
“Now, that will do!”
And off you go with merry heart
Till down the road
It falls…apart

“Looks like he bled out.”  The statement (concerning the obvious) caused the senior detective to gaze up from the gooey puddle (where he had temporarily stooped for a sample) and glare at his donut chomping associate.

“Huey,” said captain “Rick” with an air of unbridled disdain  (after all this was as gruesome a scene as the two had seen in quite some time), “don’t you ever stop eating?”

“A man’s got to keep his strength up, ain’t he?” with the speaking the junior officer offered his glaze covered right hand to help the boss to his feet. 

Reluctantly, the older grabbed the shiny paw (his knees weren’t what they used to be) and, standing and retrieving a handkerchief to wipe off the sticky, he grumbled in passing,  “You disgust me.”

“Wha? (urp)”

Brought the old Buick to Rick, the expert mechanic who has a side job at a local Auto part store.  He’s the go-to guy when you want the straight scoop on what’s wrong, and the best (and cheapest) way to fix it.  He looked at the weeping organ for about two seconds and said, “You need a new radiator.” 

“Well, couldn’t I, you know, patch it with some J-B weld?”

“You could, but then it will give out all at once.  Here’s a number to a place that will give you a much better deal than we will.”

The next day, after I took a short (I mean just a couple miles) trip--looking for some, er, J-B weld--the radiator “bled out” in the grocery store parking lot.  “Ol’ Rick knows what he’s talking about," says I.

Good thing I had some mighty putty to stuff in the hole.  Now the old girl's in the driveway...waiting for a transplant (and perhaps praying for a new owner).
****